2020 was an utterly unique year. So many things and yet nothing happened and yet soooo many things happened.
The year started with my husband going back to work after parental leave. He struggled with the return after spending the prior two months at home. It was a struggle for me as well, now having to take care of River all on my own, but we survived it and it was a good thing to happen. Not that it happened long. He was back at home, this time working, early March. I am happy he was able to be around for River’s milestones. This was definitely a situation where things worked out for the good.
I slowly went back to work late January. I was back full time by February. We kicked off a fundraising event that was more successful than any event we had ever done. That was also the same event that the leadership turnover was announced. A few weeks later the city shut down which effectively stopped my company in its tracks. This was two months before the transition for my promotion was set to occur. Magically, the transition did happen, and we have managed to keep the company afloat for the time being. I have loved my new position even though it is more work. I am grateful the work I do is things I have been able to do from home.
In more great but unexpected news, we bought a house! We moved in August to a house with a yard for the dog, an office for us, and a room for River. We have been saving for years and saw the market taking enough of a downturn that we went for it. The transition from renter to homeowner has been a difficult one. This house has its share of problems that we are slowly but surely having to tackle on our own. It is a rather fun adventure though.
A week after we signed the papers for our new home my husband was laid off. His company was downsizing due to COVID and he unfortunately was cut. Thankfully, it was a European company, so they offered severance. In the end this worked out better than expected. He had been growing bored and this offered him the clear out that he so desperately needed. After taking some time off just to spend with his daughter (and offering me the opportunity to dive deep with my company) he started up his new job after Thanksgiving. It has been good to have him back at work, offering better structure to our days and giving me more freedom for alone time that I have needed.
We stayed home for the holidays this year. I miss my family. Not being able to see them for Christmas was hard. My mom and my sister did come by one day in August to help me out. That was a genuinely good day. Otherwise, we have been keeping in contact through video chat. Not the same, but it is something at least. The last time we visited his family was in that first week of January (and what a truly terrible time that was). My husband and I had a major discussion on how the holidays need to change after that experience. Funnily enough, none of those changes came to be and yet holidays 2020 was radically different than 2019.
Our daughter was 2 months old in January. She was so little! It is insane how fast she grows. Now over one years of age she is running around and able to climb on top of the sofa now when she was barely moving around or recognizing people back then. We are concerned about her being secluded from other people in this time. Her stranger danger is real, and she only ever sees people wearing masks. However, the neighbors have a 2-year-old boy we are hoping to have her spend time with as our schedules allow for quarantining. She saw him at Thanksgiving and the boy was absolutely lovely to her. River continues to amaze us every day and I cannot wait for her to experience the world more fully than our current situation allows.
2020 was a year of surprises. I learned many things about myself and am pushing to be better every day. There are days when I live in the rage I feel at the world, days where despair is my best friend, and days where all I have are love for my family and myself. I hope to continue loving myself and doing right by me in 2021. This may be the year I finally stop being a wallflower and start demanding to take up the space I deserve. We shall see. I am, after all, an accomplished wallflower.
Sending love to you. I hope to speak to you soon!
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